Monday, March 05, 2012

The Covenant (2006)

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

First off I had fun at this movie, even though it wasn't that great. I will explain the things I found funny and the general goofiness of "The Covenant".

The school and all it's student uniforms look suspiciously like Hogwarts. Hmm is this a hint of things to come?
It's a high school, but almost everyone lives on campus, but they have no rules. The Dean even talks to one of the Man-Witches about his trip to a local bar and doesn't seem concerned with the legality of this.
The school library apparently gets all it's books from Necronomicon publishing. I love how the school library has all these scary leather bound books about witch-craft, which help to conveniently explain plot points.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
These are the two main female leads. They like to dress in sexy lingerie when no one is around. Also the blonde girl can start a whole bar dancing and singing just by playing a Joan Jett song, no witch-craft required. Blonde girl (names are not important in this movie) also does an amazing sexy dance at the drop of a hat, where was she when I went to high school? I might also mention that for a bar that caters to high school students they have a lot of sexy people there who look older than 18, and waitresses who don't wear underwear.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Here we are hanging out at the head Man-Witch house. It has lots of creepy things in it. Like large stuffed tigers. In no way does it look like a typical scary horror movie house.

I won't bother with any specifics of the plot cause, well it is all explained on the poster and trailer.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
"In case that you didn't catch all the plot details as we bashed you over the head with them, I'm going to explain them very slowly."

What I wanted an explanation for was why it was raining outside the car, but they drove with top down and didn't get wet? Also the farm house that was in a clearing when they were looking at it two seconds ago, where did it go? They drove away and in the long shot the road is surrounded by trees. Hmm, dark forces are indeed at work here.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

I got excited at the shower scene, but then I remembered it was a PG-13 movie. Honestly, would a little side-boob have been too much to ask for? She had a magic back tattoo that seemed to come and go later on.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Um, this is not what it looks like.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
I'd make a face like that too if my burning farts were propelling me through the air.

The movie was fun in a goofy way, most people were laughing and cracking jokes during it. It was designed for a pre-teen crowd though. They felt that they had to explain everything to death.

Blonde girl is shown having a dream about spiders. Later her roommate (token black girl) becomes ill.

Blonde Girl: She's sick what's wrong with her
DR: It's like anaphylactic shock
BG: What's that?
DR: It's an allergic reaction, to something. Like an insect bite, from a spider maybe.
BG: Hmmm

The acting was not that great either. I'm pretty sure they auditioned the guys by asking them to strip, if they had abs that went past their balls, they were hired. I mean seriously slow down on the steroids, they are more dangerous than the witch craft. One of the best badly delivered lines was when they actually had the main man-witch say "My power is greater than yours", myself and two other people in the theater laughed at that.